I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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