hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
