I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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