can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
