Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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