it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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