Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
