Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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