Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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