also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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