i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
