Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
