in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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