I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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