Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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