Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
