I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
