we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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