How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
