so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
