I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
