i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
