come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We have started to decorate penises.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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