I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
