Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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