dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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