I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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