I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
