my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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