im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
