you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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