cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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