I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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