I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
