JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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