Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
