i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
