It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
