i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
