Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
