Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He has the fingertips of a God
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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