haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
