Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
