I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
