took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
