Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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