Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
