i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
