Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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