Just took my morning after pill in the library
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
